


Mourning the youth

by alumort



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Hyuuga Neji Lives, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26068993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alumort/pseuds/alumort
Summary: Lee dies in the fourth shinobi war. Neji mourns.
Relationships: Hyuuga Neji/Rock Lee
Kudos: 15





	Mourning the youth

**Author's Note:**

> vent

Everything was gray. Colorless in his eyes, no matter how hard he squinted and how long he rested. There was emptiness. A kind of emptiness that nothing would fill, not even soba and a well rested night.

He could feel his chest pressured by his own skin, by his - _now frail_ \- muscles. How every morning, nobody waited at his window just to smile at him and play with his hair until he got ready to leave the compound. How he had slowly incorporated that to the routine, that now he felt restless and anxious without his morning cuddles- he never expected that to happen, even if he was touch starved since a young age.

You only notice the little good things when you lose them. Neji always brushed this off, not really believing in that- that's it, until the war happened. Until he entered in a coma for months, not knowing what happened around. Until the colors faded from his vision, that he was forced to retire early.

Not allowed to train, to use his Byakugan at all- not like there was someone to train with. Gai wasn't going to walk again, Tenten was always on missions nowadays, and Lee was-

He was-  _ gone _ .

He was never going to smile again, sweetness and joy emanating from him. He was not going to return.

Lee had sacrificed himself for him, or so the doctors said. That he gave away his life so Neji would live on, yet nobody had deciphered  _ how _ he did it without chakra-

How he did it, they would ask.

How he  **dared** to do it, the brunet would ask instead, his legs moving on his own like every evening since waking up.

How he dared to leave him alone. How he even thought Neji would've been happy if it cost him his life.

... he never thought he would miss hearing him talk about  _ 'youth' _ , or that he would miss when he appeared out of nowhere just to do some silly challenge with him. Without him, without his entire team together, all the days were the same. 

Get up, eat, walk to his grave, and repeat. Feel absolutely nothing ( _ should he say  _ **_emotionless_ ** _ , instead _ ?), not even having enough energy to change the routine at all. Sometimes straying the path from his lover's grave to his father's, but the distance was almost the same.

Sometimes, when the nights were way too cold and the ghost of a hug seemed to wrap him in his grief, he would cry. That was the only difference in his life, apart of the gradual change of the seasons. When that happened, his mind trailed off to the past- he even forgot to eat sometimes, only realizing when his cousins pestered him with a dish served on his bed.

... sometimes, he waited for them to go, before throwing it in a bag. He didn't feel hunger at all and, honestly, there really wasn't any reason to continue.

Lee was gone. His sunshine, the one who managed to make him smile even after the seal had been activated for senseless discussions with his uncle- now he was alone.

There were no morning cuddles anymore. The coconut smell from his boyfriend's shampoo didn't get stuck to his robes anymore, and- he didn't even get time to ask him what brand it was. He had just changed it for a new one, and then- War, death. That happened.

… he wondered why he even went on. He wasn't going to replace him, wasn't going to allow  _ anyone _ to think they would, so…

Every day, reuniting with Lee and his father was an idea that grew more and more tempting. He had no purpose now, more than existing and breathing- the seal had been erased when his lover gave away his life, to make him live again.

Even if he… Talked, about this. About the temptation. _There was nothing left for him._

Neji would find peace and love in the afterlife. Neji would not feel pain, tiredness- Lee wasn't going to let him slack off again. He was going to see his bright smile…

Those were his last thoughts, as a self imposed starvation combinated with strong medicine took his life away. 

  
  



End file.
